killer tofu, yeah!

Thank you, Fergie, for not fucking up the National Anthem. As of late, it seems to be the trendy thing. Also, thank you for not peeing onstage.

The Fundamental Theorem of Algebra: neither fundamental, nor a theorem of algebra. Amusing.

Some days I wish I could still wake up at 7:00 and watch Pokémon while waiting for my PopTart to come out of the toaster oven. Other days I’m grateful that I no longer have a toaster oven, because there is no reason to know the head of the fire department on a first name basis. Damn it, Pikachu.

Uhhhh, nice marmot.

I pledge allegiance to the grind.

I’ve decided to just turn 22 next year.

I think I slept better with my mitt under my mattress.